failed again!

i started off fine..not eating anything but diet coke.. then lunch-had to eat: fish and veg..yeah that was ok but the stupid lunch led off to a massive binge!!! i will never succeed?! whhy???!!!

I'M SO EFFING PISSED. i rant is coming up):
argh. i just realised my weight is not 85% OF WHATS ITS SUPPOSED TO BE..ITS MUCH HIGHER):
i gotta be 37kg..MUST MUST MUST. SHITTY BINGES. i keep eating all day long..)))): BLEAH! binge monster attacks on a daily basis!! how on earth am i ever gonna lose? grr i dun even get it out! what a effing pig. maybe im meant to be fat forever, i hate my life..i hate my body. im just too fat to be thin.. GRRR!!! im so depressed..like everyone can fast and restrict so well..everybody's doing so well. everybody are all losing weight.. so many people eat under 100ocal. best 100cal or 0cal!! me??? 10,000cal!!!
GROSS BUT TRUE> no i duno..i count until i just count any-o-how..who cares! its still probably 7,500cal altogether if counted correctly! i duno!! these few days have been WORSE.freaking binges pops out..and urgh. why must my parents choosen this time to get me to eat unhealthyn food?!! what the hell. they r never satisfied. I AM BINGEING N GAINING WEIGHT STUPID. so what if i only eat FRUITS AND VEG AND FISH!? dun u know fruits r SOOO high in sugar and carbs and im like effing gaining weight?!
hell I DONT EVEN EXERCISE. i need help. pls motivation..urgh

sorry i needed to rant..
f*ck.